


Welcome to the Vantas Cinematic Universe (VCU)

by felidaereverse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), just a little bit of no homo-ing, two dudes being bros what more could you want
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felidaereverse/pseuds/felidaereverse
Summary: meteorstuck movie night, exactly what it says on the tin. home of sexual pining may or may not take place. bullshittery definitely will. there is no way they are not making that shit HAPEN
Relationships: Dave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Welcome to the Vantas Cinematic Universe (VCU)

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
CG: SWEET GRUB JEGUS DAVE WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU WANT  
TG: sup  
CG: OH MY GOG YOU INSUFFERABLE JERKOFF STAIN OF BIOLOGICAL SWILL, WAS THAT REALLY ALL YOU HAD TO FUCKING SAY TO ME?! FUCKING “sup”???  
CG: WAIT, DON’T ANSWER THAT, IT WAS A RHETORICAL FUCKING QUESTION.  
CG: BUT IF YOU HAVE TO KNOW, WHAT’S “SUP” WITH ME IS THAT I’VE BEEN SPENDING THE PAST FEW MINUTES BEING PESTERED BY SOME JACKASS ON HIS PALMHUSK WHO HAS LITERALLY NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN PISS OFF MY EQUALLY BORED AS FUCK ASS FOR NO REASON.  
TG: woah a strider cameo in the vantas cinematic universe i must be dreaming  
TG: btw for future reference im gonna abbreviate that to “vcu” just keep that in mind itll probably keep you from gettin super confused later on in the franchise  
CG: HOLY SHIT I MUST BE SERIOUSLY BORED BECAUSE I ACTUALLY READ EVERY WORD OF THAT.  
CG: I’M STARTING TO GET SCARED HERE, DAVE. DO YOU THINK ORGAN FAILURE IS THE NEXT STAGE IN THIS FATAL CASE OF BEING STUCK ON A SHITTY SPACE ROCK WITH A BUNCH OF MORONS? I THINK I CAN FEEL MY EMACIATED THINKPAN DROOLING OUT OF MY MOUTH ALREADY.  
TG: ok dude now while i appreciate a good ol karkat shitfit just as much as the next guy  
TG: which honestly is probably a lot more than people would generally think  
TG: it actually becomes sort of cathartic to listen to after a while like when moms put on those fuckin ocean waves mixtapes or whatevers on those things for their babies to fall asleep to when little tommy wont stop crying long enough to get down to business on his afternoon nap  
TG: at least thats what i think happens idk ive only seen it at work in the shitty romcom movies about the horny single mom who has to find a guy who sees her hardworking wholesome nature and just CANNOT resist playing daddy to her kid  
TG: buying the kid toys every time they go on a date and picking him up from daycare after work and all that kinda shit  
TG: all that for a chance in the great film milf sweepstakes its fuckin wild  
TG: but seriously karkat i see the words “carcinogeneticist is typing” pop up and im the baby  
TG: all bein comforted and lulled into gross squishy infant naptime because i know a wholeass oceanic *storm* is coming  
CG: THE BABY IS YOU.  
TG: the baby is me  
TG: im so glad were on the same page here  
CG: OBLIGATORY THAT WAS WHAT THE REFRANCE ASIDE, WEREN’T YOU ALMOST APPROACHING A POINT THERE FOR A SECOND?  
CG: AS RARE AND MYTHICAL A SIGHT AS IT WAS, I SWEAR I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF A SUBJECT CHANGE LEAD-IN BEFORE YOU STARTED WRIGGLING AROUND IN A METAPHORICAL GRUBBASKET AND SHITTING YOURSELF OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT WAS.  
CG: ALSO, THANKS? I THINK SOME KIND OF COMPLIMENT FACTORED IN THERE BUT I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE.  
TG: lol you are so welcome dude feel free to shoot me a message and get off anytime youre ready to fuckin snap  
TG: *go off  
CG: ...  
CG: WELL ARE YOU GOING TO SAY IT?  
TG: say what  
CG: THE “NO HOMO” THING YOU USUALLY DO AFTER YOU FUCK UP YOUR BULLSHIT INNUENDO IN A SPECTACULARLY “HUMAN GAY” WAY.  
TG: well no i wasnt exactly planning on it  
TG: see theres like intricate rules to this shit you wouldnt understand the nuances  
TG: it was like 90% an accident that time so it doesnt count and i have so many other super important things i gotta get to in this convo so a dudes gotta be economical about what he spends his precious time addressing  
TG: yknow the mark of a true leader is bein able to realize when shit is not worth his time because there are hells of bigger fish just begging to be fried  
TG: obama got that  
TG: ...  
TG: goddamn i wish i got to see what wouldve happened if earth wasnt fuckin obliterated by meteors  
CG: OKAY I KNOW OBAMA IS A SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR YOU DAVE, BUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOG REMEMBER THE FISH YOU **JUST** BROUGHT UP.  
CG: ARE WE FRYING ANYTHING OR NOT HERE DUDE.  
TG: anyway youre right i did have a thing to say  
TG: im about to fry the fuck out of this fishy looking thing right here right now  
TG: just out of curiosity  
TG: are you gonna be busy in like 3 to 4 hours from now  
CG: DAVE.  
CG: NO WAIT I’M DEMOTING YOU FOR THIS ACTUALLY.  
CG: **STRIDER**.  
CG: DID WE SERIOUSLY FUCKING GO THROUGH ALL THAT NOOKBITINGLY PAINFUL DIALOGUE JUST SO YOU COULD ASK IF I’M PLANNING TO SHOW UP TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED MOVIE NIGHT.  
CG: THE MOVIE NIGHT THAT I SET UP, CHOSE THE MOVIE FOR, AND AM ALREADY WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP IN MY BLOCK FOR? IS THAT THE EVENT YOU’RE OH SO CUNNINGLY TRYING TO ASK ME IF I’LL BE FREE TO ATTEND??  
TG: ok im getting pretty hard yes vibes from that but like  
TG: just making sure that *is* a yes?  
CG: ***YES!!!!!!!!!!!***  
TG: fuckin sweet  
TG: so like see you in 3 to 4 hours i guess  
CG: I MEAN YOU COULD COME OVER NOW IF YOU WANT.  
CG: I’M PRETTY SURE I MENTIONED IT BEFORE, BUT I AM FUCKING SEEPING BOREDOM OUT OF MY ASS PRETTY MUCH EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY BECAUSE THIS ROCK IS SO SHITWIPINGLY MINDNUMBING.  
CG: SO UH,  
CG: IF YOU'RE EQUALLY BORED  
TG: holy shit dude fuck yes i had no idea what i was gonna do for like 3 hours probably sit in my room and stare at a fuckin wall or something  
TG: so like not in a desperate and super uncool way but im already outside is the door unlocked  
CG: AT THIS POINT I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO QUESTION IT AS LONG AS YOU BROUGHT THE CHIPS.  
TG: dont worry i got the cool ranch *and* the nacho cheese locked and loaded bro  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU PASSED THE TEST WITH FLYING COLORS. GIVE ME A SECOND TO GET THE DOOR.  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

**Author's Note:**

> hell yeah babey this is the first homestuck work I'm posting, and it turns out pesterlogs are not actually as hard as I was dreading them to be :) anyways I started writing this in a fit of 2 am productivity so I have no idea how much more of this I'm going to end up doing but! shrug emoji! we'll just have 2 see. . . . .


End file.
